Call it philosophers’ baseball. As I walked toward my classroom recently, I thought about times gone by when I played baseball there. And since I now teach philosophy on that same campus, I thought it appropriate to come up with a philosophers’ baseball team since it is, after all, what some have called “a thinking person’s game” (unlike life itself).
Here is my opening day lineup, with some comments that perhaps only other philosophy fans might appreciate.
First Base: Socrates. He can rattle a runner with incessant questions.
Second Base: Plato. Plays true to his Forms (but loves dark dugouts).
Third Base: Kierkegaard: Dreads playing this position; anxious but dangerous fielder.
Shortstop: Lao Tzu: A balance fielder/hitterz
Catcher: Nietzsche: High on steroids and plays like crazy.
Left Field: Sartre: Runs for the exits (which don’t exist).
Center Field: Descartes: He doubts, therefore he plays.
Right Field: Camus. No stranger to this position.
Pitcher: Kant It’s imperative he pitch every four days.
Relief: Bentham: Strikes out the greatest number for the greatest good.
Manager: Epicurus: Takes a lot of pleasure in his job.
Owner: Anselm: An owner of whom no greater can be conceived.
Team Name: The Skeptics
Sponsor: Frozen Hemlock
New team members as suggested:
Berkeley: He can’t hit or field; thinks the ball is all in his mind.
Hume: Experienced player.
Locke: Wants to be commissioner.
Rousseau: Likes baseball in its original form, more innocent and romantic
Marx: Forms a players’ union: “Players of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your balls and bats.
Confucius: Stay in the middle of the infield and everything will go well
Moses: Thinks the pitchers mounds should be built into a mountain.
Buddha: What mound?
Jesus: works a concession stand turning water in wine.
Origen: Umpire. Never throws anyone out of the game.